May 1st, 2019
How I faced mine. Part 1.
I was 26 when I experienced my first panic attack because of the stresses at my job at the time. Something that I did not see coming when I woke up that morning. I realized that you can’t see someone’s mental illnesses or state of mind because it’s not like a broken arm or leg. I couldn’t even see my own mental distress, but words cannot explain how real it is.
The panic attack happened so fast, the tears welling up in my eyes, the shaking, the shortness of breath, the flash of cold that you suddenly feel on your face from the blood draining so fast from it. The numbness in your hands, the realization that you may faint in the middle of the street. These are and can be very life-threatening experiences and are very real. The desperation to talk to someone to have them tell you that you are ok and that everything will be ok is truly a metaphorical hand of help. Or in this case, a voice of help.
I had never known what my anxiety and panic triggers were let alone how to deal with them. After talking with a friend who was very open and honest about my state of mind I realized I was overworked and stressed out because of the toxic work environment that I work in. The constant reminder that I’m not part of the team, but part of the furniture of the office just really made its way into my brain, spirit, conscience, and overall well-being. This translated into a very violent attack on my body through panic and anxiety.
The amount of energy that I needed in order to snap back into “normality” was honestly not of this world. The only thing that I could think of afterwards was food. After feeling faint from the panic attack, I was feeling faint from being on an empty stomach and using up all of my energy to survive the attack.
All in all this experience definitely put things into major perspective and made me realize that I had to strongly evaluate and re-evaluate all aspects of my life. It all comes down to whether or not I am happy and what parts of my life needed the most attention.
Read Part 2 of this story to see how Cannabis helped me face my panic attack.
Be Blunt, Be B.A.E., just B.